Emotionally Abusive-Are You?

                           

'Emotional abuse' might sound too big a word but are you sure you aren't practising it? To confirm that you aren't doing it, it is better to know what it is. Have you ever got irritated with your child and ignored them? Then, that's one of the simplest form of an emotional abuse, as you are passing the negative vibes and making the little soul feel neglected, though unintentionally!

Emotional abuse?

It may be verbal abuse, threatening, severe punishment, comparison, rejection, neglection and likewise.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuses do not have an immediate physical effect but a long term deletrious effect on one's character.

Here are some pointers for us, as parents, to know what emotional abuses are, for the sake of avoiding them.

Verbal abuse

Needless to say, this is the most common and a very offensive form of emotional abuse. Verbal assault, constant usage of bad words, blaming them or calling them bad names make an irrepairable damage to the child's personality. Be sure to taste your words before you spit them. It is meaningless to feel apologetic after having uttered a dozen bad words, as the little hearts are already shattered.
   
                              

Rejection or Neglection

A child may be neglected unintentionally. Ignoring a child while you are doing an important task is simply neglection. I know that its frustrating when you are constantly being disturbed when trying to focus on something important. You can either politely tell her that you'll join her in a few minutes or pause the task for a minute or two and keep the child engaged in some interesting activity and get back to work. If nothing helps, you can take the help of a family member or a friend to keep her engaged until you can take your time off. Rejection is hard on the children and zeros down their self esteem, and that's not what we want.

Avoiding a child to showcase your anger towards them is an intentional rejection. Like your peers or other adults in your life, a child doesn't understand that you are ignoring them because you are angry. By behaving as if she doesn't exist or not responding to her, you aren't putting your point across but leaving them confused, shattered and rejected.

                               

Severe punishments

It will take a lot of efforts to discipline a child but punishment is not the right key. Severe punishments that scare a child like locking the child in a room or beating them up are unacceptable and you are better off being counselled. Their tender hearts yearn for a loving environment. Punishments like saying NO to their favourite toy or an outing is itself a BIG punishment and hard to take, but work like wonders to discipline without any psychological effect.

Comparisons

Children hate comparisons as much as we, adults, do! Comparing a child with peers or siblings is the biggest blunder a parent can make. Surprisingly, it starts right from when and how a child manages to achieve his milestones. This not only creates a lot of pressure on the individual but also on the parents. The thoughts that "whatever I do, am not better than him/her" lead to depression and low self-esteem and will most often result in jealously/anger/frustration towards the person he/she is compared with.

                           

Manipulations

We preach but don't practice. Children notice that. We take so much effort to teach our kids the good values in life but its easier if they see you practising them. Be how you want them to be. Makes the job easier!
Live your life, love more and be happy....your child is watching!
               

                   

Adults or peers may be emotionally abusive. Please watch out for the above mentioned signs. Better to know them, to keep away from them. And by any chance, if you are abusive in any form, better to stop it immediately than to repent later.

How clean is 'CLEAN'?

                                 

         Toddlers and mess go hand in hand. Little A's most favourite hobby is to topple the whole tub of toys whenever she goes past it. All the toys certainly don't come out in one toddler push, so she makes sure to push it harder until that tiny piece of clay sticking to the base is out and she'd sit on it comfortably and sing "Lo lo lo a boat"! No it doesnt end there. You need to sing the entire rhyme and she'll do the required actions, and then walk out, heart content! As I bend down to clean up the mess, I hear a 'Nooooo' and there she comes paddling back through the clutter to frantically put them back on the floor, making it worse!

I mutter to myself as I retrieve a tiny toy fork tucked in between the cushions. 'Why is it that all the nicest and most interesting games have a zillion pieces!!?' But more than the expensive toys, its the bits, bobs and junk, that kids love. Empty milk cans, empty plastic pill boxes, milk powder scoops, disposable spoons, cardboard boxes, a wollen ball from the scarves, a tiny piece of thread from a dress, colourful flashdrives, cd boxes, combs and  everything that can be categorized as junk are much sought after! You may think its easier to shove them away in their absence, true, but they are replaced much faster than you think. Like the colonies of bacteria in a culture plate, the junk only keeps mutiplying.

                                         

There's no area that is free of clutter when the little one is allowed to have fun. The worst is the floor and you are sure to have your foot punched with lego blocks and clay tools while walking across to attend a phone call. You could be transfixed by little toy knives, or a toy toaster or her favourite sand shovel while you try to do simple things like sitting on a sofa! Beds aren't spared either. Balloons, a toy bread slice, dolls, shape cutters, cars, books, toy spoons and so many other interesting items that are freshly bought find their way into the bedroom to sleep next to the tiny tot!

                                                        

With a motherly intention to impart the knowledge that messes can be cleaned up too, I include little A in the process. I let her sort all the blocks, books, crayons and the rest and put them in different bags/boxes and happily wind up. But little did I know that my happiness is short lived. After all the sorting, little A would want that small yellow car to hold onto when she sleeps, yes, the very same car that first went into that green box that was tactfully tucked in between a huge collection of assorted puzzles. Trying my best to not disturb the arrangements,  I put my hand underneath to feel that green box, but finally, end up turning the tub upside down to desperately lay my hands on that yellow car to immediately stop her from crying! Sigh!

I'll choose playing with my baby over cleaning, anyday, anytime. "Do you want me to read that book again for you? Ok, here you go....that little bit of dusting can wait." "Err....You want me draw for you? Very well, come and sit down....I'll put this hoover away!"

Almost always, little A takes the role of a helper and excitedly throws the pieces into the storage boxes but all this only until she spots her long lost BINGO pup or a wooden spoon from her kitchen set that had disappeared weeks back! Her play would restart with soaring spirits and the story continues. But this time, I give up, I really don't have the heart to 'mess' her fun! After all, she'll be 2 years 6 months and 10 days only ONCE!

Food for thought:

•  Cleaning should be a routine, not an obsession.  The more you are obsessed, more is the stress.
• Toys are to be played with, papers strewn about, that is childhood. Good if you understand.  Don't worry if others don't!
• Happiness is when the little girl holds the pencil right rather than clutching it in her fist because you spent that 20 minutes showing her how to, instead of scrubbing the kitchen floor!

15 Best and Free Android Apps for Toddlers

                   

    Worried about having to share screen space with the kiddo in toe? Well, it isn't that bad if they get to learn something from it, right? Phones and tablets are a blessing in disguise when you suspect a tantrum, especially when you are out with them in restaurants, malls or clinics. Sure to keep them busy in long flights and at home when you need that 'me time'!
Here is the list of 15 best android apps that makes learning fun for them, in no particular order. These are absolutely free to install.

1.Animal Puzzle for kids

Devoloper: Abuzz

           

Description: Like in the picture above, they are simple puzzles for the tiny tots that help them develop tactile and fine motor skills. There are 84 animal puzzles to keep them busy. Watch them get familiar with the names of the animals as they complete, without worrying about them losing any piece of the puzzle!

2. Learning colors for kids

Devoloper : Stork Studio Limited

Description: It's a simple game that would teach the kids 9 various colours.  The game interface is intuitive and even the youngest can get their hands on it with ease.

3. Kids shapes

Developer: Stork Studio Limited

Description: A fun game for the toddler to match shapes with the right one,  choose the right shape and also burst similar shapes. In short, enables them to differentiate the shapes as early as 1.5 years!

4. Shapes and Colors Music Show

Developer: Fischer Price

Description : Repetitive exposure to shapes and colours enable easy identification.

5. Phonics song

Devoloper : Laboratorio Android Expert

Description : A song to help learn the phonetics that requires no Internet connection.  How good is that?

6. Animal sounds for kids

Developer: Shemetenga

                                         

Description: This app enables easy identification of animals and their sounds. An easy-to-use app for kids.

7. Lego DUPLO Trains

                                          

Description: This is an animated, toddler-friendly app that will help them drive the colourful LEGO train from station to station, yes, the child plays the role of an engine driver! The child gets to live his dream by choosing and loading wagons, building bridges, stopping at crossings, refuelling and laying new tracks around pesky roads! 

8. Kids socks

Developer: Mimoteo

                                         

Description: A game for pre-schoolers and all they have to do is drag the socks with the same colour and pattern and match! A fun game to learn colours and patterns!

9. Talking Tom/Pocoyo/Ginger/Ben/Gina/Santa

                                           

Description: You can talk to the little characters and they'll repeat in a funny voice. Needless to say, it enhances communication skills. Try them and discover a range of activities!

10. Kids Paint Free

Developer: Virtual GS

                                             

Description: An alternative for virtual painting/drawing when on the move! It also allows saving the art to the gallery!

11. Potato Head Colour

Developer: Dexati

                                                 

Description: They are colouring pages and best suited for pre-schoolers. It doesn't require drawing but selecting the colours and tapping, and the colour auto fills in.

12. Picture Book

Developer: Shemetenga

                                               

Description: Colourful flashcards to learn words, the kids can relate to! Pronunciation made easy.

13. Kids Piano Lite

Developer: Sunny Day

                                                 

Description: You can choose what to play like 'Twinkle twinkle' and the piano will display the keys to be pressed in the side bar. It also has an auto music mode which makes it look like a music box!

14. Nursery rhymes

Developer: thehippoteam

                                                   

Description: Comprises a whole bunch of popular rhymes with videos that kids love to hear over and over again! However, it needs internet connection.

15. 50 Nursery rhymes

Developer: Shemetenga

                                                    

Description: Plays the 50 rhymes without internet connection. The toddlers can have fun singing along the lines without the hindrance of a video. Recommended for 3+ age groups.

Skype Time

                       


Online video chats a.k.a. skype or facetime, is a blessing for all those who are scattered around the world and a source of wonder for toddlers. I belong to the generation where online video calling was familiar only in our early-twenties. But my daughter, however, falls into the tech-savy generation and has been online since she was a few weeks old! Little A's excited aunt and gleaming little cousins would fill the screen to watch her coo, cry and vocalize and go 'awww sooo cute', 'I wanna cuddle her' and so on. The little one would in turn cheekily smile at the ceiling fan and get excited on hearing the happiness around. Skype was a boon for the new dad's lonely heart to find solace from watching her play, when he had to work from UK for a few weeks.

Skype meant more when we moved to UK after my daughter turned one. That was the only source of respite for the grandparents who were terribly missing her! She would be amazed to see familiar faces talking to her from the screen and gleam at them or just ignore them and go about her business of bringing the roof down. Either ways, the ones on the other side find joy in just watching her! The grandparents, uncles and aunts would be totally amused at everything she does, be it her attempt to converse with them or toddling away from them to play pretend games. After all, she is the only reason, they come on skype! A small grin with a 'hi' 'hallo' would light up their faces and they'd be bursting with pride when she goes about performing for 'wheels on the bus', 'If you're happy and you know it' and so on and so forth. Little A would in turn brim with happiness when she sees them clapping and cheering, and thereby strengthen her rights on this 'Skype' business as well!

There is this peculiar stage in today's toddlers, when they get the sense of 'ownership' and think they own the laptop and everything it plays since start to shutdown, is for THEM. I warn you about the cold long stares or screams you'll be showered upon if you touch 'their' laptop for anything apart from rhymes or children shows!

As they grow older and understand things, they look forward to the skype times. Infact, my daughter was so familiar with her grandparent's and aunt's faces that she dint take time at all to gel with them during their visits. Now at 2.4, my little one excitedly says 'Sype' and shows me where to click and how to go about for a call with her Paati or Thatha or her cousins whom she calls as Akka! She wants to show them all her new toys and clothes as and when she gets them and tell stories from school,  that sounds more like gibberish. When we are about to end our chat, she flies from where she was engrossed with her toys and automatically waves bye, sreams seeeyuuuu, blows a kiss and waits impatiently for her rhymes to restart! Thats a sample of the techie generation for you!

Whatever is skype for adults, for kids, it is a fantasy world where they are always in popular demand by the people they adore!
A big bow to the latest technology that connects the longing hearts, old and young!

Image courtesy: freedigitalphotos.net

15 Moments that remind me of my tag called 'MOM'

                           

Being a mom is an adventure! Each day is unique, challenging, fun and interesting. As a mom of a 2.5 year old daughter, I experience all the emotions in the world in a span of just 24 hours!! And there are those moments each and every day which make me realize that I have a tag called MOM, dated forever!

These are few of them:

1. It was more of a shock than a surprise when I found myself (someone who just needs the time and a little space to sleep deep, amidst any loud noise/people) waking up every now and then to check my few-hours old's breathing pattern. The story continues until now to check if everything is okay during her sleep. Believe me, people do change overnight!
2. When I hallucinate her cries even when she's happily giggling away or sleeping. That being said, you'll not be surprised if I say I assume any child's cry in the malls to be that of little A's.
3. When I'd pray that she falls asleep so I can have some ME time, but end up gazing at the cute bundle sleeping peacefully and wait impatiently for her to spring back to her toes.
4. When all my novels were replaced by newsletters from Babycenter.
5. When little A's day-to-day activities became the talk of the household.
6. When going out was not as easy as just getting myself ready! Any outing would involve packing an extra pair of clothes, an extra pair of shoes, innumerable finger foods to offer if she's in the mood to reject everything I show, an extra supply in case she drops it down or I drop them or somebody else does. Phew!
7. When I found apps like Nursery rhymes, Talking Tom/Pocoyo, Doodle, Read-along bedtime stories, ABCs and 123s slowly outnumbering my favourite phone apps.
8. Everytime I fill a form for my daughter and my name goes right under 'Mother's name'. Bliss!
9. When the saddest days of my life are those when my little one fusses to eat (almost everyday).
10. When a warm cuddle from a gleaming daughter is all it takes to keep my spirits high!
11. When I find myself repeatedly singing 'Old Mac Donald', 'The wheels on the bus' and 'If you're happy and you know it' over and over again. You have to believe me if I say I know what comes next in the nursery rhymes playlist. 
12. When shopping for her tops the list anytime.
13. When cleaning the mess is just another routine but repeated from dawn to dusk and again from dusk to dawn.
14. When I find myself going to any extent to keep her safe and sound. This also includes shooing spiders and walking in a dark corridor which I'd dare not do when alone.
15. Each time I do something to keep her happy and in turn derive happiness, it occurs to me that am a MOM, dated FOREVER! 

      

                                          

   

                           

Am sure all of you've had instances that you'd love to recall. Do share as comments below.

The Potty Training Mantra.

                  

       Motherhood is a bliss but challenging in its own way, the major area being 'potty training'. A lot of mothers I have seen tend to postpone this to as long as possible and try to be happy with nappies. But be sure that the little ones aren't too happy with the pee and poo sticking to their bum! Having said that, let me consolidate all that has to be taken care when you decide to potty train your little dragon.

When is a child fully potty trained?

 Your 10-month-old peeing or pooping whenever you take him/her to the restroom doesn't necessarily mean that he/she is potty trained. However, it means that he/she has got a hold of what you mean to communicate and yes, you're in the first step to potty training success! A child is completely potty trained when he/she can control his/her bladder/bowel and communicate to someone that he/she needs to pee/poop.

When is your child ready?

You may come across mums bragging about their 'wonder babies' who were potty trained by 7 or 8 months. Its good to appreciate that and lead your life your way. Please do not compare your baby with the rest. I'd say, on an average, a child needs to be at least 15-18-months to clearly grasp what you say and communicate to you their urge. Girls are supposed to be smarter and faster in learning this art :); however, this is NOT a rule.

Well, are you ready?

Yes, you need to be ready first. Are you okay with a no-nappy child running about in your rooms? Wet floor? Frquently wet carpets? More clothes to wash? and eventually more to dry? Its time to build some patience before you kick start this training for your child. And remember, once you start, you're not going back. Call up your friends/relatives to postpone the house parties/get-togethers or kitty parties. Don't be scared, its not going to be long at all. My daughter was potty trained in just 1.5 days! Hey, I can see you smile already :)

How to equip yourself?

• There are numerous potties and potty seats with different colours/themes. I always feel a cushioned potty seat with the handles on the sides (the child feels secure by holding onto them) is the best as you just have to place it on the regular potty seat and don't have to again dread shifting the practice to a regular potty.
  
  
  
  
  I use this for my little one and she absolutely loves this product. You can get it delivered at your door step.
• Get loads of panties as they're likely to get wet every 15 minutes.
  
  

  

  
  
• Get rewards that interests your child. It can be a sticker, balloon, whistle or even colourful ribbons.
  
  

  

  
  

  

  
  
• Get some small picture books that are light weight. This can be interesting when they have to sit there for a while. (My daughter loves carrying them even when in a hurry!)

How to start?

• Choose a period of about 2 weeks when you'll mostly be home and  have most of the day to spend with your child. The day when you're emotionally, mentally and physically fit is the best day to start the venture.
• Let your child play with the potty seat and get familiarized by sitting on it so that its not too much of a hassle for both of you.
• After a good night's sleep, make him/her sit on the potty seat (of course attached to the potty). Also give a new small toy in hand to explore.
• The first try needn't be a success but use only cotton panties for the rest of the day.
• Have an alarm and spend the rest of the day with the little one. Order food from a favourite resto- you deserve this little treat!
• Have code words for pee and poop that's easily pronounced by the kiddo and keep mentioning the code frequently thereby asking if he/she wants to do it.
• It may take time. Depends on the child but never connect this with their intellect. There's no relation.
• Don't consider this toilet aspect, a dirty thing! Let them understand that mom, dad and everybody does this and that's how nature works.
• But let them know that soiling the house/floor/bed IS a dirty thing to do.
• Praise them more often. Some of them are happy with just claps. They feel so proud when appreciated and try to get more pats on their back.

Night time potty training:

Once they master this art during the day, slowly wean them off nappies during nights. Avoid liquid diet 1.5 hours before bed. Set an alarm during night to take your child to the loo. Talk about the night time loo during the day so that he/she is prepared to be woken up from a good sleep. Do the talking about potty habits and any others frequently. You'll not realize but they do understand and register everything they see and hear. Amazing creations!!

           Potty training isn't a nightmare any more. It does test your patience and makes you go NUTS, but, the effort is well worth it. Go ahead! All the very best!